I haven’t posted a blog in a few days. I have spent a lot of time reflecting after finally releasing so many thoughts that I have been bottling up for so long. I knew it was going to be difficult knowing that people would be reading some very personal thoughts and I needed a few days to let it all soak in.
I really do believe that everything happens for a reason. Sometimes it is hard to figure out what that reason might be, but I know it is a waste of precious time to live life having regrets. In my book, I write about wishing I had done some things differently, but that I don’t necessarily regret many of my decisions. I have learned so much about myself and I think there is a lesson in every event we experience.
I am trying to move on from the past. I read so many quotes about living in the present and putting the past where it belongs- behind me. I know many of us have experienced emotional pain. But what we do with that hurt is probably more important than the hurt itself. We cannot dwell endlessly on things that we cannot change.
Things don’t disappear on their own. You need to make the commitment to “let it go.” If you don’t make this conscious choice up-front, you could end up self-sabotaging any effort to move on from the past.
I have found that writing and expressing the pain and hurt I have felt, has helped me understand why and how each event has impacted my life. It’s a form of communication that presently, is easier than talking about it face to face with another person.
It’s not easy to let go of the past, and stop reliving it. You can’t undo what has already been done, all you can do is to make the best out of each and every day. When you focus on the here and now, you have less time to think about the past and focus on the present. When you get stuck on focusing your thoughts on the past, do your best to acknowledge them for a moment, then bring yourself back to today. When I finally started to take responsibility for my own happiness, I saw that my anger was preventing me from experiencing the happiness that I so desperately wanted in my life.
My truth and the events of my past will never change. What is changing is that I am now taking control of my life and no longer dwelling in the past. You CAN change your perspective and focus on something different. Once you see that the ball is totally in your court, you have set the stage for deep letting go. Your happiness is your responsibility alone, not anyone else’s. Taking responsibility means being open to recognizing how your own internal thoughts are feeding your suffering. Ask yourself these questions- What thoughts make you unhappy? How do you make yourself suffer by allowing negative memories to surface in your mind?
Dwelling on the past is not pro-active. Hiding and stifling your feelings is not effective either. Now that you’ve reflected on the past, realize that the past is over. It isn’t happening anymore, except in your mind. And that causes problems — unhappiness and stress. Instead, bring your focus back to the present moment. What are you doing now? What joy can you find in what is happening right now? Find the joy in life now, as it happens, and you will start to see some big changes in how you feel. You will never be able to completely stop thinking about the past, but just acknowledge that, and gently bring yourself back to the present whenever possible.
If you are struggling with forgiving someone for hurting you in the past. Find a way to forgive. I know that this is not an easy thing to do. This step is crucial to helping you move forward. To finally forgive someone, you are allowing yourself to be free from the hurt. The truth of what makes it so difficult for us to forgive is fear. The fear of losing control, the fear of appearing weak, and feeling like we might be losing our power over a specific event that has caused so much pain. Still, there is a part of us that doesn’t want to let those who hurt us off that easily, we sometimes believe that we will be taken advantage of again. We rationalize it by saying, “If only they could feel my pain or know how much they hurt me.” Forgive people, but do not forget the lesson learnt from them. Make yourself better than before. Make sure you include yourself in this process. Learning to forgive yourself over mistakes you may have made is just as important as forgiving others. Accept your mistakes, forgive yourself, learn from them and LET GO.
“Your past history and all of your hurts are no longer here in your physical reality. Don’t allow them to be here in your mind, muddying your present moments. Your life is like a play with several acts. Some of the characters who enter have short roles to play, others, much longer. But all are necessary, otherwise they wouldn’t be in the play. Embrace them all, and move on to the next act.” – Wayne Dyer