The First Step is the Hardest

Untitled DesignWell it’s official. I have finally launched my blogging site, and I can tell you that I am pretty nervous. I have wanted to do this for years and think that I am finally at a place in life, where I can sit down, take a breath, and say the things that are on my mind. There is something that happens in your forties that is absolutely life-changing. Well for me it is anyways. It is this feeling that comes washing over you like a tidal wave when you least expect it. You no longer spend as much time worrying about what other people think about you, and really start looking at who YOU are as a person. You start to analyze all of the decisions you have made in the past, the people you have in your life, and wonder where all of the time went.

You wake up one morning and realize you are at the mid way point between life and death, and its time to do all of those things you had promised yourself you would in your 20’s and 30’s. I have made a lot of mistakes along the way, learned my share of lessons, but most all I think I now have a better understanding of what is truly important to me. The funny thing is that all of the things that I thought were important before this time in my life, now seem so irrelevant. I have realized that what I was working towards previously, was more about what I thought I should be doing, rather then what I wanted to be doing.

Writing has been my passion for as long as I can remember. It started for me as a young girl writing in my diary. As I got older, I started writing poems and songs, then eventually short stories, and now am in the process of publishing my first book. I had a dream of one day moving to New York City, living in a Soho loft, writing the scariest of thriller novels, and living a life that was creative, exciting, and unscripted. This is not where life took me.

My mother was very sick most of my teenage life. I moved out from our home in my mid teens, and my Mother eventually passed away in my early twenties. I had moved home in the last three years of her life to take care of her while going to College at night. I met a young woman at school who connected me with a job opportunity at a not-for-profit organization, and I started work almost immediately as their receptionist. Jump forward 10 years later, and I became the CEO of that same organization. I worked hard. I have always worked hard.

I got pregnant the year my Mother had died in 1999, and knew that I had to do whatever it took to become an amazing mother and provide the best life for my child. I felt like I had something to prove. I felt like people just assumed that I would not be a success because I was alone, not in a relationship with the father of my child, and I did not have a big fancy degree. I felt like I had to be doing what everyone else was doing to look like I was a success. I eventually bought a home, a travel trailer, a little piece of vacation property, and took my kids to Disneyland every second year. I did it, I was a success. Being a mother was and is everything to me. What I didn’t do, was remember that I still had goals and aspirations of my own, and that it was OK to still go after my dreams. I lost who I was as an individual, and what I desired, because I thought that’s what I had to do to be considered a success.

In the past few months my life has changed dramatically. I have met the love of my life, my daughter will soon be graduating High School, my son is driving, I have lost 100 lbs, and have been working tirelessly to get my book completed. Now, I have accomplished one more goal by finally posting my first blog and am one step closer to pursuing my dream of being a writer. I don’t know what the future holds, but I am excited to be on this journey. I hope that my stories will touch your life in some positive way, make you laugh, and inspire you. The first step definitely is the hardest, but from this point on there is no turning back.

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